Dearest Seniors,

By the time you read this, you’ve probably gone through Commencement (you’ve been “commenced”? Can you make that an adjective? You know what I mean!). I can hardly believe it, so I doubt you can. I guess that makes it official, huh? Even though I know that it makes it official, I’m still denying that you’re graduating. I like you too much. You can’t leave.

When last year’s seniors graduated, it didn’t really phase me. No offense to them, I just didn’t have as many close friends in the class of 2013. But this year is a different story. Of course I knew graduation was coming (how could I not, with all the Instagram hashtags of how many days were left), but I purposefully ignored it. Wouldn’t speak of it, didn’t do goodbyes, completely changed the subject if the “g” word came up.  I specifically did not think about you guys leaving until midway through finals week. That’s when it hit me like a brick wall.

I was working at Holy Grounds, like I do every Wednesday morning, and a handful of seniors stopped by. Those I had met in class, or during service break trips. Friends of friends, and just those regulars who still have the old wildcard (the one that only SENIORS would have). It made me stop for a moment and realize that next semester, I wouldn’t see those familiar faces stopping by to get coffee. Next semester, you guys will be starting all new adventures.

I’m not just going to miss those seniors whom I’m close to, those special people that I can have heart to hearts with, or text fairly regularly. Of course I’ll miss you guys, but I’m also going to miss the seniors whom I don’t see every day, the ones I occasionally run into at the library, in Connelly during the lunch rush, or in Admissions shooting the breeze. The seniors that I wave to on campus, chat with waiting for Cafe Nova pizzas, and hug when I’m out at the bars. I’m really going to miss you guys too. You’ve become such a part of my daily existence, woven into my routine, and represent that Villanova community (I know, so cliche of me, bringing up the Villanova community in a graduation post haha). I may not see you every day, and we may not talk all the time, but without you there, it’s going to be different.

This class of 2014 has impacted me since day one of my Villanova experience, and I just want to say thank you. You were my close friend from high school showing me the way, my OC who has truly been an OC for life, my RUIBAL/Breaktrip/ESCAPE leaders who have inspired me. You were the first tour I shadowed, my unofficial “big” outside of a sorority, my birthday-buddy-mentor-life-coach, and my Orientation leader whom I aspire to be like. You guys represent warmth and welcoming, hugs and laughter. You are not just friends, but role models, and I will truly miss all of you.

During on of the last days of finals, I was out at Kelly’s and saw a senior that I wish I had gotten to know sooner. After a huge hug and in a state of drunken love, she said to me, “You guys are the ones who will follow. Make it good.” It’s gunna be tough, considering you guys raised the bar pretty high. If I end up half as cool as you guys next year, I would consider that a success.

I’ll leave you with this: While I know you all “sprinted the marathon (and hydrated)” during Senior week, I hope that tomorrow goes by slowly so you can enjoy every moment. Soak it all in. You guys are Villanova, and always will be Villanova. I’m sure you’re tired of hearing it, but Congratulations! You guys did it. :) Shake every day to pieces, rock the world, and #GoCatz.

Here’s to the class of 2014 & always being a wildcat.

I’m not one to live in the past, but I do consider myself a fairly reflective person. I guess that memories, reliving moments, and nostalgia comes with the territory. Especially nostalgia.

People often describe nostalgia coming in waves. Like something that washes over you and then passes. While I understand that metaphor, nostalgia usually stays with me for a while. It lingers a little longer. Sometimes it’ll whisper quietly one day, and then a week later, it’ll come in like a wave. Or maybe a brick wall. Sometimes nostalgia hits me hard.

I’ve always been a psych nerd, so the brain has always fascinated me. It amazes me that I could be walking around campus and get the faintest whiff of spring flowers and suddenly I’m back in 8th grade, waiting for the bus at the end of my driveway on the first warm day. The memories, the feelings, the longing for moment is so real. How does your brain suddenly shift through all your memories and pull one that you forgot you made?

It doesn’t always have to be a smell that triggers something for me, although sunscreen always reminds me of day camp, the perfume on my dresser at home brings me back to freshman year of high school near my locker, and gasoline makes me feel like I’m on my boat. People, songs, or even words can cause the waves and the whispers.

Talking with my girls from home can trigger memories of prom, trips to the mall, sleepovers that included photo shoots and dance parties, or daily volleyball practices. Looking at old pictures with my sister brings me back to when my cousins and I would swim in the lagoon all day down the shore, or the feeling of first walking on stage during my middle school plays. Being in the kitchen with my mom reminds me of all the hearts to hearts we had over the years, her cooking and me sitting on the floor next to the cabinet, laughing or crying about how dramatic my life always seemed.

I often get nostalgic about places, and those twinges are sometimes the most powerful. Recently I’ve been overly nostalgic for Italy: the streets of Siena, the hills of Tuscany, the views of Cinque Terre. Those are usually triggered by songs from last summer, or anything by One Republic (I listened to their album Native all the time when I was there). Or sometimes they just come out of no where. It’s like my subconscious realizes it’s almost been a year and it’s time to start calling me back.

While most people consider nostalgia as connected to far away memories, I wonder if you can be nostalgic for the recent past. What if I get nostalgic over that formal I just went to, and that feeling of freedom and pure happiness as I danced with my friends? Or for a few months ago when I first connected with my new Orientation family, with all the excitement and anticipation for the greatness to come? For my loved one that I just hugged moments ago, but somehow I already miss them, deeply? For yesterday, when everything seemed perfect and I couldn’t stop smiling?

In Greek, nostalgia means “the pain from an old wound.” According to a Pinterest quote, it’s a twinge in your heart, far more powerful than the memory alone. A longing. A pull. A release.

Whether it’s a wave or a whisper, or maybe even a brick wall, I think nostalgia is a good thing. It reminds you of the good, maybe the painful, the progress you’ve made and the things that have shaped your soul. If you’re nostalgic for something, that means it must have made an impression on you at some point. And revisiting it can only add to the fullness of your memories. Don’t be afraid to be pulled away from the present. Maybe the past needs to remind you of something important.

Here’s to waves, whispers, & nostalgia.

Oh the woes of technology. Most of the time it’s great, but we all know that when computers crash and  the internet doesn’t respond, it takes every fiber of your being not to throw your laptop at the wall.

My first two years at Villanova I had a Dell. It only crashed twice (compared to some other people, that’s a pretty good record), and both times the Tech Zone was able to fix it in a matter of seconds. It always amazed me that with a few clicks of the mouse and a jumble of computer code, those Tech Wizards could save my computer, and simultaneously, my sanity. So when my pretty Macbook Pro (creatively named “Mac”) started acting up (damn you spinning color wheel of death…), I assumed that those same Tech Wizards could work their magic again and alleviate my building frustration.

Ha.

In between classes, I wandered over to the Tech Zone, explained my problem, and was promised that my Mac would be back by the end of the week. An Apple specialist would be working on it, so it was in good hands. As for a replacement laptop, they did not have any loaners left (I guess a lot of people are having tech issues…), but I should check back because they are returned periodically throughout the week.

A couple hours go by. At first, I’m fine, thinking that no laptop=an abundance of productivity because I would have no distractions. That positivity lasted about 3 minutes and was instantly replaced with feelings of insecurity, fear, vulnerability, and anxiety. I felt as if I were hopelessly and aimlessly wandering around, envious of everyone else’s laptop and so incredibly lost without mine.

A day goes by. I call the Tech Zone. My computer is still being “looked at.” There are no loaner laptops. My anxiety heightens, only slightly alleviated when I borrow my roommate’s laptop to check my emails and upload an assignment.

Another day passes. I call again. Mac is still “being repaired.” I’m sorry, there are still no loaner laptops. Keep checking back. My world is crashing down (which is appropriate because so did Mac).

A third day passes. I call once again.

Me: “Hi, it’s Kasia Jaworski… again… I’m just checking on my laptop!”

Kind voice of a Tech Wizard: “I just checked, and it seems like it’s still being looked at.” (It’s clear that this phrase means “no one’s looked it”).

Me: “Oh okay. Well I sorta really need a laptop this weekend, ya know with papers and assignments piling up before finals… Will it be fixed by today? Monday?” (EVER??!)

Tech Wizard: “I can’t really say because I don’t really know….”

Me (cutting him off, getting down to business): “Alright that’s okay, but are there any loaner laptops available? Again, I sorta really need one.”

Tech Wizard: “Well there is one here…”

Me (in clear disbelief): “OMG SERIOUSLY? If I’m there in 15 minutes will it still be there?!”

Tech Wizard: *laughs* “If no one else comes to claim it!”

Me: “I’LL SEE YOU SOON!” *hangs up, sprints to room to throw a random assortment of binders and pens into a bag, hoping it’s the right supplies for that morning’s class*

I proceed to RUN from my apartment across campus to claim the LAST lone laptop that I DESPERATELY needed. 15 seconds into my jog, I thought two things:

1. “Why did I even bother going to the gym this morning?” and

2. “Why the hell did I wear flip-flops? Of ALL my shoes, these were the worst. I would have been better in flats. Or even heels.” (Don’t underestimate my ability to run in heels. Catching cabs and formal buses has really paid off).

I continued to audibly flip-flop my way through campus, almost running over  a perspective family visiting for accepted students weekend, which is like cardinal sin number one for a tour guide. But that didn’t slow me down. Clearly, this was a matter of life or death.

I make it to the Tech Zone, probably looking bewildered, lost, and sweaty. Two people were talking to the Wizards at the front desk and I couldn’t help but silently hate them for potentially stealing MY loaner laptop. The extremely bored looking Wizard called me over.

Montone Wizard: “Can I help you?”

Me (breathless): “YES! Can I please have a loaner laptop?”

Montone Wizard (the epitome of bored): “Is your actual laptop even here?”

Me (rambling): “Yes, I have a Mac, and it’s been here forever, and I really need it back because I have SO much to do this weekend and I just…

Montone Wizard (cutting me off): “I’ll go get a loaner.”

I peer over to the other student in the office, who was filling out a form for a loaner laptop. I pray that it’s not MY loaner, or I might just collapse and cry, right there in the Tech Zone. Monotone Wizard comes back, loaner laptop in hand.

Me (ecstatic and not trying to hide it): “THANK YOU SO MUCH!”

Monotone Wizard (still monotone): “Yea no problem, just fill out these forms.” *gives me forms.* “Oh, and I just moved your Mac to the Apple Technicians desk so he should look at it soon.”

Me (looking up in disbelief): “He hasn’t looked at it yet?”

Monotone Wizard (clearly not amused by my visit): “No, it was on another shelf for a while. You have to remember that these things don’t take like 30 seconds to fix. Sometimes it takes longer.”

Me (defiantly, or I think it came off like that): “Well, maybe I should just take it to Apple next time.” *tucks loaner laptop under arm and swiftly walks out*

 

I treated myself to an iced caramel latte on my way to class. While I’m flabbergasted at why my obvious APPLE computer was not given to the APPLE technician sooner than today, my anxiety has significantly decreased as I currently type away on the last lone laptop. It just goes to show you that squeaky wheels get fixed, it’s possible to run in flip-flops, and not all Wizards are magical.

Here’s to my obvious dependence on technology & Mac getting well soon.