The Fence

I’ve wanted to write this post since I’ve returned from El Paso, but I wanted to make sure I had the photos to go with it. And with those, I wanted to edit them in an artistic yet meaningful way; I wanted them to do justice to what we saw and I think that they do. I hope it gives you a deeper understanding as well.

***

When I told people I was going to El Paso, TX, the most common response was “so basically Mexico?” And those people weren’t wrong. For those of you who don’t know, El Paso is on the very west corner of Texas, in the same time zone as Arizona and Utah. The place we stayed was approximately 5 miles from the Mexican border. If you drive along route 10, you can see right into Juárez, the only barriers being two metal fences lining the Rio Grande River with Border Patrol cars roaming in between. From a distance, Mexico looks the same as El Paso. To the naked eye, you wouldn’t realize they’re completely different worlds.

On Sunday, Nathan, one of of the volunteers we met through Cristo Rey, offered to take us to the actual fence that divides Mexico and New Mexico to better understand the social justice issues that surround Mexican immigration into the U.S. With all 14 of us piled into a van, we headed down the Texas highway, passing Targets, McDonald’s, and Walmarts along the way. In a blink of an eye, we were in New Mexico, passing a huge casino and amusement park, with a Ferris wheel looming over the desert. With another blink, the paved road of the highway disappeared and we found ourselves on a dirt road with nothing but sand and mountains surrounding us. Before we knew it, we were stopped in the middle of a clearing with a metal fence.

“That’s it?” someone asked as we got out of the van. Even though that seems insensitive, I have to admit that’s what I thought too. The fence is a simple metal fence, something that you would use to keep your dog in your yard, but higher.  I expected a huge wall, barbed wire, I don’t know, something more than just a metal fence. As we approached it though, we saw that it reached as far as we could see. In one direction is a massive hill that the fence goes up and over, and in the other, it meets a huge mountain with a cross at the top that marks the intersection of Mexico, New Mexico, and Texas. A border patrol car stood watch nearby.

Looking through the metal diamonds, you can hardly believe that a casino and an amusement park are less than two miles away. The neighborhood just beyond is destitute, desolate, so extremely impoverished. Houses are barely standing, with tin roofs flapping in the wind and dogs relentlessly barking in the background. Near where we were standing was a pile of trash that was taller than me. You hate to think that anyone lives in these conditions day after day.

Nathan had said before arriving that we might see some children come to the fence, and sure enough, within five minutes about eight kids emerged from the broken houses, ranging from 2 to 15 years old. Some had lollipops, others, baseball caps. Even though they only spoke Spanish, and us only English, it didn’t stop them from trying to get our attention and interact with us. The little ones climbed all over the fence–like it was a jungle-gym instead of a definitive barrier–laughing and beckoning us to come play with them. Some of the older ones stood farther away, pulling some of the younger ones down, but mostly just quietly watching on.

It was hard to resist the pure joy and laughter of the little ones and soon the group started playing peek-a-boo through the fence. We touched hands between the metal diamonds and shared genuine smiles. It was clear that happiness has no language barrier.

The few group members that knew Spanish tried to have basic conversations with the kids. One little girl asked if we all had moms, dads, grandmothers and grandfathers. Another asked if we had water. The older ones didn’t say much.

After a while, we noticed a few adults (presumably the kids’ parents) drive down the dusty road and get out of the car to watch us. They never approached the fence. They simply watched at a distance.

Nathan pointed out a large building about 50 yards from the fence on a large hill. He explained that it’s a factory (a “maquiladora”) where most of the kids’ parents probably work. He told us it’s an American factory, part of the NAFTA agreement. While it sounds beneficial on paper, NAFTA essentially allows American companies like Comcast and Coca Cola to basically (and legally) exploit Mexican cheap labor and ship produced goods back into the country without tariffs or duties.

He went on to talk about how Juárez is considered the one most dangerous cities in the world this year, where corpses hung from highway overpasses and brutal shootings in the streets are common occurrences. Conversely, on the other side of the fence, El Paso has been considered one of the safest cities in America for the past 4 years.

With the Border Patrol car in sight, we asked about people jumping the fence. Nathan says that it usually happens around dusk, although most don’t get very far because of the massive flood lights waiting about twenty feet from where they land. But he added that most people who jump there know that they will get caught and do it for that reason. Why? Because spending 3 months in a detention center in the United States is better than the the poverty and violence they experience every single day.

Toward the end of our visit, Nathan asked if we would like to take a picture by the fence with the kids. Although most of us were hesitant, he assured us that the kids would love it. My group and I have decided to not to show the photo we took because of the eery and almost disrespectful nature of it. While the kids loved finding themselves on the small digital screen, we didn’t want to look at our awkwardly smiling faces while theirs were blocked by the fence’s metal lattice.

As we said our goodbyes and walked towards our van, the Border Patrol car zoomed up into the clearing. Before we even drove away, the officer got out and hooked up three tires, attached by a metal chain, to the back of his car. Then he got back in and drove up and down the fence to erase all of our footprints. Nathan explained that they do this ritual every hour, so that if someone does jump, they can easily track their footprints.

As we drove back towards the Targets and the McDonald’s, I couldn’t help but think how frustrating it must be for those kids to look beyond the fence and see a land of potential just beyond their reach. Or maybe they don’t even realize what the fence means, saved by their childhood innocence. But eventually they will learn and their lives will never be the same.

My group and I wrestled with that visit for the entire week and still continue to talk about it to this day. We don’t have a solution and there isn’t going to be a clear one. My group and I just want to start the conversation, to spread the awareness of the situation, to give a face and a story to illegal immigration. That’s why I wrote this post, in hopes of sparking different thoughts and maybe changing some perspectives.

Here’s to the kids at the fence & future change.

Feeling 22

*Cue the Taylor Swift. This past Friday was my 22nd birthday (and yes, Tay’s hit was the first thing I listened to that morning). I know, in college years I’m pretty old, but I’m excited for this year. Twenty-two is a special number in my family and has always been a lucky one for me, so this is a big year.

After reflecting on my less than stellar week, I decided that I need a new start. And when’s a better time than this birthday? So here’s a list of 22 things that I wanna do as a 22-year-old. Enjoy.

  1.  Do more yoga- This is 100% the first thing I thought of and the main priority of this year. If this is the only thing I accomplish by the time I turn 23, that’s a success. Yoga is a new thing for me and it just makes me feel happy. And 22 is all about being happy.
  2. Paint my nails more often- When I paint my nails, I automatically feel more confident. It’s a weird girlie thing that I enjoy and I usually chip them within a couple hours, but hey, it’s a little thing that I can do for myself each week.
  3. Hang out with me- I love people. Most of my day is spent around people. Ask my roommates, I’m hardly in the apartment because I’m always out doing something. But there’s something to be said about enjoying the company you keep with yourself. I want to become more comfortable just chilling with me.
  4. Talk it out- If there’s one thing I’m not, it’s quiet. I’m a big talker and I usually wear my heart on my sleeve. I know that’s not everyone’s style, but talking things out keeps me sane. So when something’s bothering me, I’m going to seek out people who can help me talk through it.
  5. Be creative- When I was little, I used to love to craft. My mom used to have this big craft box of stencils, colored markers, construction paper and stickers and I literally made something new every day. As I got older though, my sister continued her creative genes and I kinda forgot about them. I want to revisit my creative/artistic side so 22 is going to be full of Pinteresting DIY projects and crafting.
  6. Coffee dates- One of my favorite things is a good coffee shop. Maybe it’s the barista in me, but nothing compares to a really cool, cozy atmosphere and good conversation.
  7. Hang out with Krista- Stalk us on Instagram, and you can tell that the Jaworski sisters are really close. Even though she’s notoriously the cooler sister (I’ve fully accepted it, it’s all good) and our personalities can greatly contrast, I love spending time with her. She keeps me grounded, which I need. Often.
  8. Lots of friends/roomie time- Hey, 22 is my last year at college. The thing I’m going to miss most about Nova is the people, so sometimes I’m going to blow off my homework to hang out with my friends/roomies. Because if I don’t, I’m going to regret it. Here’s to more laughs and more memories with the people I love the most.
  9. Explore Philly- It’s really sad to say, but after spending almost 4 years about twenty minutes away from Philly, I hardly know it. When I was in Italy, I loved exploring the nooks and crannies of the cities I visited, getting to know the hidden gems while feeling adventurous. It’s time to get to know Philadelphia better.
  10. Bake/cook more- Number 1 priority in my dream house is a great kitchen. In my apartment now, I have a beautiful kitchen that I need to start using more. Last year I tried to make a new recipe each week and totally slacked off this semester. With all the recipes I have pinned on Pinterest, I should actually make good use of them. Oh, and baked goods just make everything better. Enough said.
  11. Drink more coffee- Yea I know caffeine addiction is a real thing and there’s that myth that coffee stunts your growth, but there’s something extremely calming about holding a mug of steaming coffee while reading or writing. My favorite time of day is around 8:30am and fresh coffee seems like a good morning.
  12. Go to the outlet mall- I’m just a broke college student who needs (nice) business casual clothes for the real world. Outlet malls are the only solution. #salesonsales
  13. Say yes to senior year- One evening, my roommate literally repeated a whole spiel about how we only have a year left and how much we need to make the most of it. To sum it up: “Say yes to senior year.” It means going out on a Tuesday, attending every home basketball game, ordering CampCo just because. Basically, enjoying all those Nova things that I won’t have by the time I turn 23.
  14. Go to mass- I adore Villanova’s church. Upon seeing it for the first time, I knew I had to go here. I also love the student masses the Augustinians say on Sunday evenings, even though I usually blow it off because “I have too much work” every week. No more of that. I can’t deny that going to mass gives me some inner peace. It helps me focus on all the good things in my life and I always need that little reminder.
  15. Do brunch- Because mimosas at 11am is always a good decision.
  16. Write letters- As a dear friend once said, “I love correspondence.” I’m a pretty big fan of writing (if you couldn’t tell) and telling people how I feel about them (because life’s too short not to) so I’m bringing back the snail mail this year.
  17. Focus on being healthy- People say that you’re at your peak in your 20’s and decisions you make now can either help or hurt you later on. Now’s the time to take care of my body. 23 and 40 year old Kasia will thank me.
  18. Start running again- I’m not naturally a runner. I did not receive that gene from my marathoner dad. But running does provide some release for me. Last year, I could run a couple miles no problem, and this year I can barely make it through a mile without feeling like I’m gunna die. Even though getting back into shape is going to suck, I know I’ll feel super accomplished when I do.
  19. Thank my parents more- Point blank, I don’t do it enough. I try to be conscious about it, but I still don’t actually thank them enough. They do so much for me and continue to be this amazing support system for me. I need to recognize that more.
  20. Visit two new places- I really like traveling. I caught that travel bug during summer 2013. Even if it’s not overseas, I want to visit at least 2 new places this year. Whether it’s going to visit my best friend in South Carolina or just exploring a new part of New Jersey, new places give you different perspectives, which is always a good thing.
  21. Read a lot- As senior year goes on, my commitment to extracurriculars is going to dwindle. It’s just the nature of getting ready to graduate, and to be honest, it’s going to be nice to have a little extra down time. I hardly get to read for pleasure during the year, but reading is my favorite hobby, hands down. Good books are good for the soul.
  22. Trust life a little bit- The Internet told me that Maya Angelou said this. She seemed like a pretty wise lady and this seems like pretty solid advice. I’ve always believed that life has this unexplainable rhythm that we don’t understand until we look back on it. While I may not understand where my life is taking me right now, doesn’t mean it won’t make sense later. So I’m having faith that eventually, everything’s going to work out.

I spent my 22nd birthday in a pretty incredible way. I was in El Paso, TX leading a Habitat for Humanity break trip (more on that to come) and Friday happened to be our free day. To conclude our unforgettable week, my co-leader and I took our amazing group (#thefam #PASOble) to White Sands, New Mexico. It was really cool because I’ve been to the black sand beaches in Possitano, Italy and now I can say I’ve stepped in the white sand of the New Mexican desert.

To get to White Sands, you have to drive down an open highway that’s protected by huge mountains, like sleeping giants against the expansive blue sky. At a minimum speed of 75 mph, it’s hard not to feel inexplicably alive with the windows down and your favorite country song blasting through the speakers. And then at night, the same road takes you back toward Texas under the twinkling stars that make you feel small with awe.

White Sands is nothing short of amazing. If you just stand still, you’ll realize that it’s absolutely quiet. The only thing you can hear is the light breeze brushing past your face and your thoughts seem to be quieted by the serene presence of the mountains in the distance. At sunset, you can’t tell where the dunes end and where the hazy, sunset painted horizon begins. When you see it, you can’t help but believe in God.

Even though we climbed all over the dunes and held our last reflection in the warm light of the setting sun, our footprints, the only proof that we were actually there, are probably gone by now, erased by the breeze. A clean slate. That’s the main thing I took away from White Sands. A clean slate and peace to take into my 22nd year of life. And that’s where this list came from. Twenty-two ways to start new and maintain that inner, happy peace.

Here’s to feeling 22 & starting new.

Here's to 22

The Happiness Jar

I’ve had a shitty week. And yes, shitty is the only way to describe it. It might have been the shittiest week of my entire life. Maybe I should stop saying shit. (shit.)

It was one of those weeks that behind every laugh, there was a hint of sadness. A cluster of days when most of my mascara ended up on my phone screen during long talks with my mom, 7 times that I woke up and didn’t know what the day would bring. And it’s interesting, now looking back at last week, I wasn’t the only one having a hard time. A handful of my friends were having shit (damn it, I did it again) weeks too. It’s kinda like the universe decided it needed to change things up in a big way. Kinda like when I was younger and would shake snowglobes too hard until I couldn’t see the scene anymore.

The funny thing about sadness is how it makes you remember times when you felt perfectly happy. Like the sweet spots of life. When you’re in those sweet spots, of course you can recognize that you’re happy, but when you’re sad, those happy times seem even more perfect. You dream of going back to that time. I instantly thought back to August, when I was living in Orientationland. I had the most wonderful friends around me, someone out there loving me and dreaming of the same future, and a sense of positivity like nothing could bring me down. Now some of those things changed. Some haven’t, but some have.

Last week, one of my friends clearly noticed I was having a bad (see, I’m learning) time and said she had a gift for me. The next day, she came over with a simple mason jar full of colorful slips of paper. She called it the Happiness Jar. Her prescription (she’s a nurse by the way) was to read one slip of paper every day and let it guide me. And she said, by the time the jar is empty, I would feel a little happier than I do today. So I started using The Happiness Jar.

Here’s the second funny thing about sadness: you start to find happiness in small things. You feel and take in the sunshine more. Deep breaths feel fuller and chocolate tastes sweeter. Writing feels more rewarding and crying until it hurts makes you feel strong afterwards. Driving in the car, on routes that you take every day, are now calming. You appreciate your wonderful, caring friends more. It makes you realize that beautiful people exist in the world and you’re lucky enough to have them all around you. Maybe this is all thanks to the Happiness Jar. Or maybe sadness just accentuates the small things we should always be happy for.

Yea, I’m still sad. But not as sad as yesterday or the day before. One of my favorite poets once wrote: “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain…[Joy and sorrow] are inseparable. Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep on your bed” (Kahlil Gibran).

The last thing to mention about sadness is this: eventually the glitter in the snowglobe settles. Although those seconds seem like an eternity, eventually you start to see the scene again through the sparkley chaos. And all is at peace again.

Here’s to life’s snowglobe & Happiness Jars.

Happiness Jar