Breakups suck. There’s really no way around that. I went through a breakup a couple months ago and the number one condolence I heard was “everything will be okay eventually,” followed by “time heals all wounds.” And like, I knew those things were true (this is not my first rodeo with heartbreak!) but I got super frustrated because I knew things would be fine in time…yet I kept wondering, “what the hell am I supposed to do in the meantime?”
Recently, a bunch of my friends broke up with their significant others (seriously, what’s with this year?), and I found myself telling them the same cliches I heard in the beginning (“Everything works out! In time, you’ll be fine, I promise!”) And then they would ask, “but yea, but what do I do now? In the meantime?” Touché, ya got me there.
This is where this list comes in. This is in no way a fool-proof plan to get over your ex (everyone’s different & everyone has their own timeline and that’s OKAY), but here are a few tangible suggestions to help you get you from “sad now” to “happy eventually.” Try one, try them all–hopefully it’ll make you smile a little bit. (And if none of these work, just enjoy the funny gifs & listen to It Ain’t Me on repeat because its a jam/guaranteed to make you feel good).
Call up your crew
Friends. Go hang out with your friends. A lot. Spend time with people who make you laugh until you can’t breathe. Grab coffee or go dancing. Have deep conversations about the meaning of life or debate whether Carrie or Kelly was the most successful American Idol winner (the answer is Carrie BTW). Good friends are good for your soul. You probably have more time on your hands since the breakup so spend it with the people who love you the most.
There’s an app for that
…but actually. There’s an app designed specifically to help you get over a breakup. Check out Mend, an app that describes itself as “your personal trainer for heartbreak.” There are daily prompts and podcasts to listen to, and then you can track your progress/how you feel day to day as you work through your initial stages of heartbreak. The small*: It’s designed more for people who JUST broke up with their ex (I found out about it a little late in the game). The app is great if heartbreak is still fresh, and you need a little guidance getting through the first couple weeks. But if you’re a little farther along, still check out their blog because they have some really great articles to help inspire you.
Start listening to rap…
For me, listening to music was very interesting. Super sad music just made me feel WAY too depressed (bye Adele) but then super happy music kinda pissed me off (how can people be happy when I’m so sad??). So I started listening to rap. If you know me, I don’t typically listen to rap, but honestly it was the only type of music that would get my mind off everything. I had my sister make me a rap Spotify playlist (it’s 132 songs deep–check it out), and now I sorta like rap? Funny, both my ex boyfriends wanted me to like rap, but it took two breakups for me to actually enjoy it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
…Or try podcasts
For me, when I commuted, my mind would wander a lot (not always to happy/great places) which would really throw off the beginning of my day. I was talking to someone about it, and they suggested listening to podcasts to help distract my mind so it didn’t have a chance to race/wander in the first place. This not only worked for me, but it drastically changed my commute/beginning to my workday. If you haven’t listened to the first season of Serial, obviously listen to that, but I’m really into Crimetown right now which is aaaamaazzzing. Crime/mystery not your thing? Hidden Brain is great for any psych nerds out there, and all women will relate to Stuff Mom Never Told You. Here’s a list of the best podcasts from 2016 to get you started.
Sweat it out
There’s a reason “work out” is on every “how to get over a breakup” article on the internet–because it actually helps. Working out releases endorphins and endorphins make you happy. Whether you just want that revenge body (hey, it worked for Khloe Kardashian) or just want some peace of mind, go sweat. Bump that rap playlist (^^see above) and run until your legs hurt and your heart doesn’t. Or if you don’t like running (yea, same), try yoga (!!!) or spin or legitimately anything active. You’ll feel good (and look hella great).
Read ‘milk and honey’
If there’s anything on this list that you actually do, read ‘milk and honey’. It’s absolutely phenomenal and completely changed my perspective on a lot of things. It’s a collection of poetry by Rupi Kaur about love, loss, abuse and femininity. There are four sections & each section has a different theme about heartbreak and healing. I don’t usually read poetry but it was on the New York Times’ Best Sellers, and I wanted to read something different. I’m so glad I tried it because her words are absolutely beautiful and captured everything I was feeling. You can buy it here.
Practice a little bit of gratitude
Another one of those tried-and-true pieces of advice that actually works. Focus on the good stuff = be more happy. Pretty simple right? Whether you write it down, think about it before you fall asleep or are just more aware of it, being thankful does boost your mood. If you need a little more structure/plan, I got this journal for all my best friends for Christmas and ended up getting myself one too. A little gratitude can go a long way.
I wish I could tell you a magical piece of wisdom that will make your breakup all better, but take solace in the fact that you will feel better in time. And these little things may help while you get there. Keep your head up, beautiful. &.
“You’re exactly where you need to be.” –the universe