(I promise this post is meant to make you laugh, not cry)

Breakups are weird. Yes, they’re sad, confusing, frustrating, liberating, positive (idk, maybe?), annoying, irritating & devastating. But the aftermath of a breakup is also just kinda…weird.

I’m going through a breakup right now (hence this topic), but before you read on, this is not a post to bash my ex. My ex (which it feels weird to even call him an “ex” because I usually reserve that term for the d-bag who broke my heart two years ago and my most recent ex is not a d-bag) is one of the most wonderful people I know. I truly wish him only good things and happiness, and our breakup was probably the most amicable & mature breakups I’ve ever heard of. Of course I’m sad, frustrated, devastated, and all those other things mentioned above, but I’m mostly feeling just kinda weird. Let me explain.

Breaking up kinda feels like starting a new life. This of course can be attributed to someone being constantly in your life to then just not, but I feel like I’m living in a dream, not knowing where I am or how to feel. I’m constantly asking “where the hell am I?” and “what the eff am I doing?” when I’m doing simple tasks like brushing my teeth. My apartment feels strange, going to work feels bizarre, and I feel like an entirely different person, even though nothing much has really changed. Yet basically everything’s changed. Post breakup is like being trapped in a quintessential philosophical debate all day long.

In your new strange post breakup life, you start feeling really proud of yourself for doing simple, mundane tasks–things you wouldn’t have thought twice about pre-breakup. It’s like if you’re not crying or curled up in your bed, you’re on the verge of your biggest accomplishment. For example:

• “I straightened my hair today, I’m the most talented human to be alive.”
• “I read a book instead of my ex’s texts–give me a damn medal.”
• “I cooked myself a grilled cheese sandwich and it was perfect, I’m truly God’s gift to this earth.”

Stupid stuff, but hey get the confidence where you can get it, right?

BTW, your phone is completely different. It changes overnight. All of a sudden, your most used emojis aren’t the red heart and kissy face anymore–they’ve been replaced with crying face, beer and the dancer in the red dress (obviously). Social media is also a weird place. Whether you’ve chosen to unfriend your ex or not, they’re not popping up on your Snapchat or in your newsfeed. It’s like looking at someone else’s Facebook–it’s familiar, you know how to use it, but you have no freaking clue who all those randos are.

Of course as part of any breakup, you start to listen to a lot more music. But you’re not just listening to the music, you begin to actually hear it. For example, I truly heard Britney Spear’s “Stronger” the other day while I was getting ready for work. Eye-opening. Life changing, to say the least. Your Spotify also looks drastically different post breakup. So many new playlists (“Hell YEA, “Hate you, mean it,” “All the Beyonce,” & “fall 2016”–because listening to all breakup music is exhausting after a while) and you relate to every.single.song. It’s like every song you hear, you can’t help but exclaim, “This song is ME”…which may lead you to realize that Nick Jonas’ song “Bacon” is more applicable to your life/current situation than you had ever expected. (You’re still my favorite Jo-bro, Nick. xo)

(^you’re welcome)

And of course, you may start to feel a little angsty post breakup. That’s natural. You may have the urge to dye your hair or get a(nother) breakup piercing. Everything is on extremes–one day you don’t want to get out of your sweats, the next you can’t wait to put on a full face of makeup. You swing from sitting in your bed all day to wanting to sweat all your frustrations out and get in the best shape of your life. There’s no happy medium–you’re either hysterically laughing  or hysterically crying. They say love has the same effects as cocaine, which make sense you feel like a withdrawn crack addict after a breakup (don’t do drugs kids).

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. There have been too many weird coincidences in my life to think otherwise. But that’s probably the worst/unhelpful thing to tell someone  going through a breakup. However, I’ve realized that, regardless if you choose to be single or singledom was thrust upon you, the universe wants you to be single right now–so you can either drunk call your ex every weekend (you do you, boo boo) or take advantage of the freedom of doing whatever you want.

If you’re reading this & you’re going through a breakup, I hope this made you laugh a little bit. It’s not easy and breakups will never be easy, but I have to believe in time, we’re all gunna get through it, as weird and messy as post breakup life is.

I’ll leave you with a few breakup quotes that will hopefully inspire you & keep ya going.

“The trees will still grow, the birds will still sing, and we will drink lattes.” –My family friend, Melissa

“Just live and do whatever you want–it’s lit.” –My sister, Krista, who is probably the most content person I know

“You know that person you thought you couldn’t live without? Look at you, living and shit.” –Pinterest

Keep your head up. You’re going be okay again. &.